Shai Tubali

The Danger of Over-focusing on Trauma and Victimhood: Moving towards Empowerment

As coaches, we are all familiar with the notion that our past experiences shape who we are today. It's a commonly accepted idea that is propagated by many psychological approaches, popular culture, and spirituality. The idea is that by identifying and healing our past wounds, we can better understand ourselves and achieve greater personal growth. But is this focus on trauma always helpful?
3

As coaches, we are all familiar with the notion that our past experiences shape who we are today. It’s a commonly accepted idea that is propagated by many psychological approaches, popular culture, and spirituality. The idea is that by identifying and healing our past wounds, we can better understand ourselves and achieve greater personal growth. But is this focus on trauma always helpful? Are we overemphasizing the role of trauma in shaping our personalities?

The answer is yes. The danger of over-emphasizing trauma in therapy is that it can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where individuals see themselves as fragile and in need of constant protection. This perception creates a biased psychological approach that views all of us as wounded and broken selves, with our past traumas as the root cause of our suffering.

It’s essential to remember that this is a new perception. Even Freud’s psychology was skeptical about the hidden drives of human beings, interpreting dreams as wish-fulfillment rather than originating from childhood wounds or the broken inner child. The Buddha also said that suffering is caused by desire and clinging, not traumas. Yet, this is the dominant doctrine in most systems of therapy, New Age thought, and the arts.

According to this approach, everyone who has done mean or destructive things has gone through some form of abuse. Still, the idea that evil and aggression are always the result of childhood wounds is illogical. If everyone behaves this way because someone evil wounded them, this is necessarily a chain that goes all the way back to the first man. Who caused him the wound? It’s clear that to be a victim, you must have an aggressor.

The false therapy is one that perceives the person as a tender and delicate being shaped most by their traumas – things that others caused them. Such therapy preserves the sense of victimhood as the center of the self and psyche, even after treatment and healing of victimhood experiences. This approach only supports, validates, and enhances the experience of weakness in that person.

In this atmosphere, people feel fragile and demand that their victimhood be recognized. Patients come to treatment to heal memories of things others did to them, mainly busy with forgiveness for their aggressors or struggles to release their haunting traumatic childhood. Sometimes they even treat traumas they were only told about, speculated sexual abuse, or events that were not as traumatic as they remember them to be.

But in my system of Power Psychology, this is called the false subconscious, the apparent deepest reason for our suffering. It feels very deep, but our model suggests that first comes the frustrated will to self-expansion, existing in us from birth, so it precedes all our childhood experiences. This means that we don’t start as victims since we are inherently engines of will and primordial wish, beings that hope to expand.

The experience of victimhood in this world is, for most people, a temporary condition of defeat. Of course, some of us came to this world with less aggressive powers, but they are still motivated by this will. They would still be happy if they could be powerful, but when they realize they cannot, they go through the psychological process of compromise – replacement, compensation, revenge, concealment. It’s painful to recognize that you came to the world weaker than others, but this recognition is true for most of us.

It is therefore important to approach therapy with a balanced perspective that recognizes the potential impact of past traumas on one’s present behavior and well-being, but also acknowledges the inherent will and desire for self-expansion that exists within all of us, regardless of our past experiences. This approach can help individuals move beyond a victimhood mindset and develop a stronger sense of agency and resilience in navigating life’s challenges. Ultimately, the goal of therapy should not be to focus solely on past wounds, but to help individuals access their inner resources and strengths to create a more fulfilling and meaningful present and future.

Three Deep Ways to Heal a Sense of Loneliness

This is a cruel paradox. On the one hand, our ability to connect ceaselessly and globally has never been stronger. The internet and social media have made us all inextricably interconnected—literally, we are caught in a web. On the other hand, as Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy puts it, these technologies have profoundly changed the way “we interact with each other.”

Read More

The Power of Now vs. the Insight of the Past

The journey of personal growth and healing presents a pivotal question: Do we embrace living in the present, as encouraged by spiritual teachings, or explore our past to understand what shapes us, as suggested by therapy?

Read More

How to Let Go of Everything Right Now

An excerpt from the "Inner Fire Awakening" silence retreat.

Read More

[Meditation] Saying Yes to Life

Throughout the years, we have developed a certain resistance not only to difficult situations but also to life itself. This inner resistance, this persistent "no," limits our ability to be fully present and adaptable in the face of challenges. What would it feel like if, instead, we could wholeheartedly embrace life with its beauty and challenges, allowing a big, powerful "yes" to flow from our hearts?

Read More

What I Have Learned from Jiddu Krishnamurti

Shai's encounter with Krishnamurti's teachings began at the tender age of 21, and since then, Krishnamurti's influence has been an integral part of Shai's spiritual and philosophical evolution.

Read More

Finding Meaning in Challenges: The Key to Resilience

What makes us able to make the shift from emotional reactivity to constructive response when we face challenging situations? In this brief article, I would like to offer a wonderful way in which we can shift from emotion to response.

Read More

Mindfulness of Breathing: A Path to Liberation

Breathing: An action so natural, yet, at its core, lays the path to liberation, the keys to the reality of existence. How so? It's within the realm of mindfulness, where breath is not merely an act of survival, but an embodiment of the highest truths about life and existence.

Read More

The Unbreakable Spirit: Harnessing Resilience for Success

The importance of cultivating resilience cannot be overstated, particularly in an era where contemporary positive psychology research sheds light on its transformative effects. So, let us embark on a journey that explores the depths of resilience, unveiling its profound significance for professionals in today's demanding world.

Read More

Would You Ever Get Used to Unicorns Eating at Your Local Restaurant?

“To see a World in a Grain of Sand / And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, / Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand / And Eternity in an Hour.” ~ William Blake

Read More

The Danger of Over-focusing on Trauma and Victimhood: Moving towards Empowerment

As coaches, we are all familiar with the notion that our past experiences shape who we are today. It's a commonly accepted idea that is propagated by many psychological approaches, popular culture, and spirituality. The idea is that by identifying and healing our past wounds, we can better understand ourselves and achieve greater personal growth. But is this focus on trauma always helpful?

Read More
:

Start Your Free Journey into the Light of Positive Emotions Now!

Where should we send the free lessons?

You have Successfully Subscribed!

X